Do Your Best To Forget My Name
by Sxburns
Summary: My name is Hayley Delia, and I'm suffering from a broken heart.She interviewed him, hung out with him, got to know him, dated him, and now ... was broken by him. He is... Bam Margera  Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

-1 Well, to start this off. My name is Hayley Delia, I'm a twenty three year old girl, whose heart has been broken.

My occupation is a magazine interviewer, I work for the Celebrity Café, which started out as an online demand magazine, and then where I live, in New York, they decided to actually start printing it. My boss, Chris, would pick a random celebrity, and then book an interview with him or her. He'd never tell me who I was going to be speaking with, always making me find out on my own. A few weeks before my birthday in January I had gone to work, and my interview was with none other then Bam Margera.

I almost died when him, Ryan Dunn, Brandon Dicamillo and Brandon Novak walked into the office. No way in hell had Chris done this for me.

Ever since Bam's latest show, 'Unholy Union' I had been wanting to interview him, I had been a big fan of his for quite awhile. I loved watching the Jackass movies, TV series, and Viva La Bam. I found it amusing, that such things happened though I always thought it was just an act they put on for the camera.

So that's how we meant. The interview went very well, I told them it would be out next month if they cared to check it out. I couldn't help but stare at Bam a few extra moments every time I glanced at him. My best friend and I, we worked together, and lived in an apartment together. Yeah, I wouldn't get through right now without her. Good old Alexandrea. Drea, or Alex for short.

As soon as the crew left the room, Drea came barging in and attempted to question me, which I just rolled my eyes. "He's married." Was all I said.

"Not as of last week!" She squealed.

I raised an eyebrow at my friend, "Are you sure that's not just gossip?" I asked, being that I worked at the magazine, there was always some celebrity breaking up, going out, ect being thrown around the office. I figured she had just heard it, and believed it. Drea was extremely gullible, though she'd never admit it.

"YES!" She said, rather obnoxiously as we had just left my office and were walking towards the break room. A few employees gave us a stare, but we ignored it, most were used to our loudness. "Missy came on the radio this morning and said that they were over, she said she couldn't take Bam's 'craziness' and 'he didn't respect her at all'." She paused and shook her head. "He's BAM MARGERA of course he's crazy!" She exclaimed as she entered the break room, and grabbed a Styrofoam cup and poured the black substance into it. She drank her coffee black, blech, I drank mine with a little cream. Sometimes sugar, if I was in the mood. But black? Ew. Anyway, back to how I ended up getting my heart broken.

We continued our conversation, and she ended up stating that 'Bam Margera is totally into you.'

She got this from me saying that we kept looking at each other, our eyes caught for a few seconds, and then one of us would look away.

I retorted with 'Drea, he just got DIVORCED, to his child hood sweetheart, somehow I doubt he wants to go out with someone already."

"Not only go out with you, maybe he wants to hang out, and like chill… and then you guys can… I don't know, be friends maybe?" She suggested.

"Yeah, change the story now that you realize I'm right Drea." I teased her and shook my head.

"Yeah, whatever, think what you please Hayl, I'm going to go clock out."

"Yeah, me too." We then exited the break room, heading for the little time panel and punching out cards out. Eight hours each. I got paid 12.50$ an hour, her 12.00$ an hour. Not bad for writing articles, and taking photographs.

I also had quite a sum of money sitting in my bank account, from dear old dad who had passed away three years ago of a drug overdose. He had left it to me in his will, saying he was 'Sorry he wasn't around for me enough.' Whatever. His choice. I was over that, since I was sixteen. My mom was around for me, and she's all I needed. I had this job more because I loved writing. I also wrote in my lap top once in awhile, well, almost every day, kind of a journal type ordeal.

We then had left the building, going to my car. A black SUV, my baby, I loved it. Drea immediately went for my CD case, holding over a hundred Cds, all mixed burnt ones. My ipod also lay on the seat, underneath my coat I kept in there, more to hide the Ipod then anything. I picked both up, the ipod had been plugged into the stereo system, and being that Drea already had the CD collection out and kicking I might as well put the ipod away. I tucked it away into the side of my purse, when a knock on my window, scart the shit out of me.

My other friend Corey was standing outside of my window. "Yoo, Hayl!" He exclaimed, I hadn't seen Corey in a month or so, he was attempting to go pro with his skateboarding career, and was off doing gigs for Element.

She grinned, stepping out of the car, and hugging him. Corey was around my height, a few inches taller … Actually he was Bam's height. Almost exactly.

Drea had also gotten out of the car and joined in the hug, making it a group effort to crush Corey as much as we could.

"Heey, Listen, I got to gig tonight with Element, and I want you guys to come!" He told us, and we both glanced at each other, and made him think we were actually considering not going. "Awh, Guys c'mon!"

We both giggled and I finally exclaimed "Of course we're going to go Core!"

He smirked, and handed us a piece of paper, with an address on it. "I'll be looking for you too!" He said, and jogged off to a car full of guys with skateboards, who beeped and then drove away.

Drea and I had spent the rest of the day, deciding what to wear, trying to find out how to act, and the rest of the bullshit involving girls going out. Finally around six thirty that night we were reading. I was dressed in a simple black tank top, with rather tight fitting light blue jeans and a pair of sneakers. Drea had gone for a green -- lime green, wife beater and a pair of dark blue jeans. Both of us wore our hair straight, mine was an auburn color and reached to the top of my breasts. Drea's was right at her shoulders. Both of us also wore a little black eyeliner and mascara, we didn't go too overboard with make-up, almost ever, because we never had the time. While we drove -- well I drove -- Drea controlled the music. She blasted CKY's 'Close Yet Far', as we pulled into the parking lot.

Once out of the car, we searched around for Corey, but gave up, figuring he was already getting ready to perform some stunt or whatever. We took a seat in the bleachers, and chatted until the show began.

That's when I saw him again.

Mr.Margera.

He was first up, and greeted the crowd happily, which the crowd cheered and screamed for. I watched him skate, more amazed I was seeing him again then at how good he was, though he was good. I watched the rest of the show, my mind more focused on seeing my celebrity crush then anything. I couldn't believe of all people I had interviewed him, and then Corey had come out of nowhere and invited me here to see him again. It was all just a coincidence to me then, but now I know that this was meant to happen so that my heart could be broken.

As I sit here and write this all down, I wonder why I'm doing this, I mean its just making me reflect back on it, and become more hurt then I already am, but I guess I should continue. Maybe I'll continue later, maybe tomorrow. Right now I can't write anymore, I just need to watch some old movies and get a tub of ice cream and cry. Sorry.


	2. Chapter 2

-1Okay, I'm ready to go back again.

The show ended and Drea and I finally found Corey, and chatted with him for a half hour. He then invited us out to go partying with the rest of the skaters, Drea and I were more then happy to go. Who wouldn't want to?

Drea and I ventured over to my SUV, and started her up, waiting for Corey to pull around in his car with all of the skaters. That's when the knock on the window came -- again. This time it didn't scare me nearly as much. Corey made a gesture, asking me to put down the window, and I did such.

"Hey, Hayl, listen, we can fit mostly everyone in the car, but do you mind if a few people ride with you?" He questioned me.

I looked to Drea, who had a sheepish grin on her face, and we both nodded. "Not a problem." I replied.

Corey smirked, "Thanks." He replied. "Wait here, they'll be right over." He said.

I pressed the button and let the window automatically rise as Drea moved to the back seat. "What the hell are you doing?"  
"Hey, I get to sit by someone, and so do yooou." She teased me.

I grinned at my best friend, and leaned back in my seat. This was going to be an eventful night.

"Hey! Its' the your interviewer!" I heard a shout from near my car, I then had turned to see none other then Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, and Dico walking towards my car. Dunn and Dico took the back seat, while Bam got up front with me.

Now I regret this trip to the bar, I wish it hadn't happened so much.

Drea wasn't too interested in the stereo control this time around, she was flirting with Dico and Dunn equally, and I was just sitting up front driving, and shaking my head. My friend ; the flirt.

Bam and I casually chatted, and I made sure not to mention his recent, well possible, divorce. Stupid things were spoken about, but it was odd. I usually felt stupid making small talk, but for some reason I was one hundred percent comfortable with him.

We arrived at the bar around ten pm that night. I remember walking in and expecting the skaters to shade off, and sit with each other, but they all stuck around us, Bam and I took a seat in a booth next to each other, I took the inside seat. Corey and his recent girlfriend Amber sat across from us. We all ordered, Bam being rather shocked as I ordered a cheap beer ; Lions head. I love the stuff.

After a few beers I was feeling, well we all were feeling, rather happy, and quite content. I then slowly stopped, weaning myself off of the drinks, sipping my beer rather then drinking it. I hate to be belligerently drunk. I hadn't seen Drea in a few hours, so I figured she was flirting it up as usual. Corey and Amber excused themselves, leaving Bam and I alone.

We continued to chat, until Dunn came over a few moments later. "Yo Bam."

Bam glanced up, himself not being too drunk either, as him and I had been too busy chatting to bother to drink as much as the others. "Yeah?"

"Listen… uh.." He paused, unsure of wether to say what he wanted to say in front of me -- I know that now.

"…Yeah?"

"Missy's here."

"Oh." Bam had looked down at that moment, and I hadn't said anything, pretending I was more interested in the table beside us then their conversation. Dunn then sat down, and began speaking with Bam. I remained silent the whole time, taking it all in.

"Listen, yo, we can leave, go somewhere else or whatever."

"No… I'll stay, I gotta face it some time or another."

"If your sure man."

"She cheated on me I did nothing wrong, I fucking hate cheaters." Bam said, and I bit my lip. My phone vibrated then, and I answered it, and spoke to Drea. She was outside having a smoke and wanted to 'check up on me.' I barely listened to her speak, as I was amazed at the fact that Bam and Missy, the happy go lucky couple I had watched on TV was broken up. Done, over with. Drea was right.

"Alright bro, I'll be over with Dico and Novak." He said, patting Bam's back as he walked away.

I spoke to Drea for a few more moments and flipped my phone shut, placing it on the table beside my beer.

Bam and I were silent for a few moments, and I could tell he was thinking about Missy, and what had happened. I didn't know wether to say anything about it or not.

"Er, Wanna come have a smoke?" Bam finally asked, breaking the silence.

"You know you can smoke in here right?"

"Yeah, I, just uh, wanna go outside." He paused then, "Nevermind." He said simply, and stood up, walking out of the bar without giving me a chance to say anything.

I then picked up my phone, slipped it into my pants pocket and grabbed my purse.

Dunn had stood up, ready to go after Bam, but seeing me going towards the door, he waved for me to go after him, and sat back down. I chewed on my lip as I exited the building. I wasn't any good at this comforting stuff. I never knew what to say. I found Bam sitting on a curb a few feet down from the bar, and I went over and sat next to him. We didn't say anything for awhile, but he later told me he was happy I came after him. Right now, I'm not.

"Listen…" I began, unsure of what was about to come out of my mouth, but hoping it would be the right thing to say. "I- If she cheated on you, she's not worth anything. You don't need her in your life then, your successful, and honestly, she was lucky to have a guy like you. All the shit she said on the radio, she had nothing to back that up, and if she truly believed she was in a bad relationship that she needed to cheat, and get out, then she has no idea what she had going for her. You treated her the best you could've and she made a bad choice, and I know everyone has probably said this to you, but you'll get through it. It's impossible to say it's going to get better right away, because I'm not going to lie to you, it's not, but you have good friends, who are gonna be there for you through this." I stopped my ramble, thinking he wasn't paying attention as he slowly stomped out his now finished cigarette, and I then realized he had listened to me, and to me it looked as though he wanted to say something, but it never came out.

We sat in silence for another few moments, but it wasn't an awkward silence, it was… rather comforting. I smoked a cigarette while we sat there, Bam had lit up another one.

Then we heard voices, telling us someone was coming outside. That someone turned out to be Missy, and her apparent new boyfriend. She was arm linked with him, whispering in his ear, as she giggled and made her way across the parking lot. They didn't see us, but we saw them. I swallowed thickly, as they parted at different cars, and kissed. Not just kissed, passionently kissed for about five minutes before Missy's friends became impatient and beeped the horn for her to come on. She then parted from him, giving him a quick peck before going into her own car. The cars then both drove away and I had to wonder if the only reason she was in New York, and here at this bar, was because of Bam.

I hadn't looked over at Bam yet, actually I was rather nervous too, being of what had just happened. I slowly looked over, and I wasn't quite sure what to do.

Bam's head was in his hands, his elbows placed on his knees. I didn't know if he was crying, and honestly I was scared to know if he was. I placed an arm around him, and rubbed his back a few times before I pulled him into a hug. There on that curb we sat for another ten minutes, and I just sat there and hugged him. I still don't know if he had been crying while this was happening but dispite just meeting him, I was trying to be a good friend, and trying to comfort him.

After awhile, he finally pulled away, rushing a hand through his hair and ruffling it up. He then stood, without a word to go back inside. I waited until he had gone inside, and remained seated there for a few minutes thinking. I thought I had done something wrong, should I have just not followed him? Maybe I should've let Dunn come out. I didn't know.

I then finally stood, and reentered the bar. I didn't make my way back over to Bam, or any of them. I went and found Corey, and sat with his friends. Bam was talking to Dunn, and I could tell he was still upset. I tried to forget about it for the rest of the night, and ended up getting pretty drunk by the time we were leaving. I still remember it all though. I was walking out of the bar, and Drea was beside me. Though Dunn, Bam and Dico had come with us, a lot of the skaters had walked to their hotel down the street. I then figured that was why they choose this bar. They were all getting a ride with someone else.

I hugged everyone good-bye, and when I got to Bam I was extremely nervous. Though he seemed nice enough, I wasn't sure.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked as I came over to hug him. I nodded slowly, and he took my hand and took me down a few cars, behind one. "I-I just wanna say thanks for before, I mean, with Missy and all…" He then paused, and I offered what I hoped was a comforting smile. I nodded, "No problem." I said simply. He then hugged me, and I remember rubbing his back again, though I'm not sure why. After we stepped back from each other, he spoke again. "I'm uh, in town for another week or so, if you wanna hang out again."

I could barely believe what I was hearing. He wanted to hang out with me?

Again?

Even after my sad attempt at comforting him?

I smiled and nodded, and removed a small post it from my purse, along with a pen. Don't ask me why, I always used to carry post-its and pens. I recently stopped carrying post-its.

I wrote down my number, and handed it too him, and told him to call me if he wanted.

He told me he would, and that is really how all of this bullshit started. If I hadn't given him my number, or even lied and said I was in a relationship I wouldn't be sitting here a year later, crying at any given moment to anything that reminded me of him. I still wear a necklace he gave to me. A heart a gram, diamonds around it. As I wrote this, I played with the thing around my neck frequently. You would think after what he did to me, I would've taken it off, and never looked at it again. But I love it. It reminds me of when we were happy together. Yes, we ended up together, but I'll get to that later. I can't write anymore. I need a break.


	3. Chapter 3

-1And I'm starting again. For some reason, I write, get upset, and then take a break, and then I want to write again. I can't stand it. I just want this to be over with. I'm going to skip ahead in what happened a little bit. Maybe if I catch up to present time I'll feel better, I can vent a little bit, instead of writing about all of these god damn nice times we had together.

For the next two weeks Bam and I hung out almost every night, sometimes we talked about Missy other times we just chilled and watched movies, or he took me out. I couldn't believe how nice he was. It was amazing to be treated like that, and even though I hate him right now, what Missy said wasn't true. He does respect girls, unless maybe she just didn't deserve his respect. I don't know.

We had a blast for those two weeks, and my job ended for the summer. Apparently even Chris has a heart. He gives us nice long vacations. I remember the day Bam and I hung out last in New York. We hadn't gotten intimate at all, no kissing or anything. Just hugs when we greeted each other.

I was leaving the office, and getting into my car when my cell phone rang. His number. I answered with a smile, because then I was always happy to hear from him. We were close, he told me a lot of stuff that was bothering him and I did the same. I actually told him about my father, the truth, I usually say he had a heart attack or something stupid. I hated people knowing my father had been a drug addict.

He told me about Missy, and Jenn, and how he wondered if he'd ever actually be happy in a relationship. I said he would, but he said he didn't know because every girl he cared about hurt him.

I'm not going to lie, by this time I had developed strong feelings for him, and hearing him talk like that made me want to cry. Not for myself, for him. I'm a strange person, when I care about someone enough, and they're hurt I will cry for them if they won't.

I answered the phone, and he spoke first. He asked me to come to West Chester. For the summer. He knew my job let me off for the summer, and when he asked me this I thought for sure he had feelings for me. Drea thought the same, and we both turned out to be right. I went to West Chester for the summer.

The first month consisted of us hanging out, drinking, partying, causing havoc. Once I was even in on one of their pranks on Ape and Phil. Ape liked me, a lot. At least that's what Bam told me. He said she thought I was a good influence on him. I had laughed, saying 'You do need some better friends.' He had looked kind of down when I had said that, and Dunn told me later he was hinting towards us being 'more then friends' as he had put it. The first month, now in my point of view, was my favorite. Bam and I were friends, yes, and though I liked him I didn't have the emotional connection I had with him after the second month. It hurts so much to remember the first month, and how happy I was just being friends with him and I had to go and agree to be his girlfriend.

He asked me out after partying one night, though I was almost completely sober as I had been having a bad day and I didn't want my emotions to run wild after some alcohol. He was fairly intoxicated, but not as bad as I thought. We were sitting in his backyard, well… it's a lot bigger then your imagining a yard to be. This guy had a friggen castle as a house remember. Anyway, we were sitting there and he was laying down, talking about something I can't quite remember.

Anyway, I layed my head next to his chest, and I remember laying there for quite a long time. And then, he sat up, and told me he had to tell me something. I was confused, as I knew he was drunk, I didn't know wether to take what he said seriously or not.

He told me he cared about me a lot, and when I went to spoke he stopped me. He continued, telling me how he thought I was something special, and that I had a way of comforting people. I thought back to the night at the bar, and guessed I had been right in doing so. His little speech went on for a half an hour. He never asked me out that night, but before I went to my room in his house, which I was staying in obviously, he kissed me, and I was rather shocked, but happy. The next morning when I woke up, there was a note with a rose on the dresser I was using. I still have the note, it's in my room, in a drawer. For some reason I can't bring myself to throw it away.

It said something about me being his lady. I don't want to go get it and read it, because then I will start crying again and have to stop writing. I want to at least end the summer before I have to stop. . . I'm getting upset already.

I agreed of course, and we ended up being very intimate for the next month. His friends joked and called us 'bunnies' which I knew stood for something absolutely disgusting, but I never said anything or asked. I was more then happy just being 'Bam's Girl' and being with him. Dunn often talked to me about how happy Bam was to be going out with me. He said that that night at the bar, Bam had said he thought he was done with relationships, unless someone came around that was worth it. That always made me smile. To think 'I was worth it.'

I never realized how close Dunn and Bam were until I started going out with Bam. Dunn knew everything, Bam told him a lot, but I also knew other things that Dunn didn't know, though I never told Dunn so. Dunn also said Bam was very happy to find someone that supported him in everything that he did, and so on. I was happy to hear this, as I always wanted to make sure I was being the best girlfriend I could be to Bam. Obviously I went wrong in that somehow, and I don't know how, but I need to figure that out. We never fought seriously, and if there was a stupid little fight we made up within three hours, because neither of us could stand to have the other one mad at them.

The day I left was one of the hardest days for me, before now of course. I cried, a lot. Bam told me he was going to call me every day… We had been going out for about two months then. We remained in a relationship for over a year. Chris would give me a month off of work at a time, and I'd go there for a week or so and spend it with him. Drea was more then happy to come with me all of the time. All summer she spent with Dico. I'm not sure if anything ever happened between them or not.

That's the end of what I can write now. Next time I write is going to be the hardest thing. It's why I am so upset right now, and why I don't think I can take this anymore. Its complete bullshit to be so happy with someone and have them rip your heart out and do this to you. I can't believe Bam is that kind of person and I don't want to believe that. I mean he was so nice to me. He treated me right. He made me truly believe he cared about me, to do this to me.

Alright. Goodnight. I'll write more later… If you care to read.

OOC// Blah. End of chapter 3. 3 chapters in one day. DAMN. XD

Read and review please.

First one I've done, I'm afraid its not that good but eh. It'll do for my first D;


	4. Chapter 4

Alright. Its midnight, and I need to do this. I need to face this again. So … after Bam and I lasted a year and three months, Drea often joked about us eventually getting married. Although I always rolled my eyes and such, I have to admit, the idea didn't sound too bad… then.

So it was April 26th. I was home for the weekend, as Bam hadn't called me to come in. I was rather shocked. That was a week ago today. Drea had gone in to hang out with Dico, who she had been seeing for awhile. She called me around one pm, and asked me to go and check my email. I logged on to AIM, and I had four new messages. I remember clicking on the e-mail, and reading three of the deciding not to bother, and then the one from Drea. I swallowed thickly, as the title was 'I'm so sorry babe' I already wanted to close the window.

'_Hey, listen, Hayl, I.. Me and Dico went out the other night… Bam wasn't around… and then Jess told us that he was at a bar… so we went to find him to take some candid pictures to send you cuz I know you miss him… well… I have to tell you, I can't let you not know.. I saw Bam with this girl.. And I got pictures…'_

Around the line 'he was at a bar' a tear had trickled down my cheek, and as I scrolled down to look at the four pictures of Bam kissing, and all over another girl, the tears continued to fall. I couldn't believe it. That fucker cheated on me. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him. I would've done anything for him. I would've supported him though anything. I would've married him. And he cheated on me. That was it. We were done. God knows I will not put up with someone who cheats. I remember the bar… MISSY CHEATED ON HIM! He said 'I fucking hate cheaters'. Well I hope you hate yourself Mr fucking Margera.

Finally I get to say what I want to say. Finally. I'm caught up with myself, now you know my story. How I fell for a man who was cheated on, fell for a man who treated me so well in the beginning only to crush me and cheat on me. That's why he didn't call me last week. I know now. I wish I went in with Drea and went to the bar with them and saw.

Drea's calling me now. I picked up the phone with a shaky hand, and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Hayl you okay?"

"Nope."

"Listen, Bam.. Well he saw me that night, and I guess he knows you know.. He said something to Dunn about calling you later and I wanted you to be prepared if he does."

"Thanks bye."

I hung up the phone without another word. I love Drea to death, but I don't want to talk to anyone. I wonder what to say to Bam. I need to get it through his mind, I don't love him anymore, we're over. All the 'iloveyous' meant nothing to him. They meant the world to me, and he destroyed my world, and he now needed to feel what I felt.

I sat at home for the rest of the night, as I have for the past week. Watching re-runs and sitting on the couch. Sleeping once in awhile, eating sometimes. Not very interested in much.

Then my phone rang again. I recognized the ring tone as Bam's immediately. His picture was on the caller id. I felt the tears building up in my eyes already. I hadn't gotten around to delating all of the pictures of us together…

I have to be strong. I can't let him know I'm dieing inside. I need him to feel like shit for what he did to me first.

"Hello?"

"Hayley!"

"Mhm."

"What's up? I miss you."

"Yeah. I bet you do."

"Whats wrong?" He asked, I could hear his voice fill with worry. Apparently trying to make sure I knew before he spilt his guts.

"I love how you don't invite me in for a weekend, and then I get pictures of you making out with some chick I've never seen before!" I blurted out suddenly.

"Hayl- I'm … Hayl-"

"No. SHUT UP." I yelled, finally getting my chance to yell, and vent. "The night -- at the bar -- when we first hung out, I was there for you! I tried to help you! You said you hated cheaters! What the hell happened Bam!? We were supposed to be together, that means not going out and kissing whatever comes along because your drunk!" I continued shouting, it felt so good. "We're over I hope you know! You lost something good, and apparently you didn't care enough to keep it at all."

I then flipped the phone shut, and sunk back onto the couch.

He called four more times.

I didn't answer.

I can't believe I'm still here, writing this. I can't believe he called me. After a week. Did he really think I wouldn't find out?

Hold on phones ringing -- again.

Dunn? Or is it Bam calling on Dunn's phone? Well if it's Bam I'll hang up on him. That'll get the point across.

I opened the phone, and hesitantly answered.

I knew it was Dunn immediately, and was relieved.

"Hey, Hayl, you live in New York right?"

"…Yeah?"

"Okay thanks." Click.

What the hell was that about? Dunn wasn't like that to just hang up. I shrugged it off, and sunk back down, turning on MTV.

What my luck. Viva La Bam marathon. I left the show on for some reason, and just watched it, remembering all the times I had there at Castle Bam. Ape, and Phil. Don Vito. He was a cool guy, dispite how mean Bam was too him.

I watched around three episodes of this, before I heard a knock at the door. Who the hell was here?

I slowly stood, my long brown hair was in a messy ponytail, no eye makeup, and a wife beater and sweats. Perfect for company eh? I opened the door, to see Dunn standing there. I was rather shocked at first, and didn't say anything, just moved aside for him to enter.

"Hayl you okay?" He questioned, and as I looked at him, he wasn't the chain smoking jackass everyone said he was. He was a concerned friend. I heard the worry in his voice as he looked at me, and I knew he could tell I had been crying -- a lot.

I shook my head, and he wrapped his arms around me in a hug, and as soon as he touched me the tears began. I wanted to push him away -- to say I wanted to be alone, but I knew I needed that hug, I needed to know someone besides Drea cared. He hugged me for ten minutes, and let me cry into his shoulder, before leading me over to the couch.

He spent the night, talking to me, and trying to cheer me up, to no avail. He did have me laughing a bit though, telling me how he was planning to prank Bam bad with another king cobra except no venomous fangs removed on this one.

The next morning he left, telling me if I needed anything not to hesitate to call, and he'd be right up. I smiled and thanked him, hugging him again. I told him the same, I owed him. He said not to worry about it.

I slowly shuffled back over to my sanctuary -- the couch -- and laid down, and slowly looked up to the coffee table. On there was an envelope. It hadn't been there before I knew.

'Hey Hayl, know your gonna kill me for this but Bam told me too… sorry! - Dunn … lovee ya babe!'

I smirked at the ending, but debating on reading the letter inside. I knew Dunn had planned on coming before Bam told him too, and once Bam had found out had said to give the letter. That was like Bam. He wouldn't have thought that up by himself. He didn't think that far ahead in time.

I swallowed thickly before slowly unfolding the letter inside the envelope. Did I really want to read this? I spread it out on the table, there were two pieces of paper. I read the first line, and already tears formed. I didn't know if I could read this.

* * *

_'_Hayley,

Please, hear me out, read this. I understand your not going to pick up your phone, talk to me or anything and I don't blame you. I know what I did… was terrible. Unforgivable but… if somehow you can just read this, please. I never meant to hurt you. I was afraid. Afraid because we were so close. The one weekend I didn't see you, I was going insane the first day because I was so accustomed to you coming in and being with me, and I still can't figure out why I didn't invite you down… I guess when I get close to people I try to push them away, and usually they stay away. I did that to you so many times, but every time I did, you kept coming back and I guess it scart me because you really did care enough to come back, and not let me push you out of my life like I was trying. It wasn't because I wanted you out of my life, believe me, I would do anything to go back to that night and not fuck up like I always do. I just can't believe I spent all of those times with you, I was always so happy with you, I was never even doubting what we had at all. I would do anything for you, still, I still care about you, I want you to know that. I spent so much time when we were together telling Dunn how happy I was with you, how you cared about me, and I knew it. And how I really wanted you to know that. . . Well… I knew you knew that, and that's another thing I loved about us. I didn't feel like I did when I was with Jenn, or Missy even. I knew that you knew I loved you, and I knew that you loved me too… and it was a perfect feeling. I just wish I could go back and change this. Go back and not hurt you. I'm sorry. . . I really am…

Bam'

* * *

I read this, and stared at the words for a few moment. I knew that he was sincere when he wrote it, and I actually felt guilt for being the way I was. But that didn't change that he cheated on me. I didn't even know if I could look him in the face again.

Maybe I should right him back? Tell him how I feel?

I don't know.. Good night for now.


End file.
